He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize