Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
