i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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