Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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