Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
