There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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