i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
