Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
