Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
