I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize