This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
