If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
