Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
