Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Someone came in the potted fern
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
