so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
