I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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