I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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