i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
