someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
