96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
what is it with giant penises always finding me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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