I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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