I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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