I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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