Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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