the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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