Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize