I heard we made out
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
