It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Im part way to drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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