So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
