Moan for me like Helen Keller
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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