Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
