I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
