I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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