How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
