He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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