Whoa Z and x make the same sound
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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