I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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