I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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