official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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