i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
PANTIES FOUND
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