Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
