So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
