phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
