Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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