yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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