I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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