It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
