My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize