i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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