oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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