i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
