We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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