So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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