at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
