Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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