She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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