Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
