Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
