69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
