i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize