Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
