Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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