"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
