they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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