He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My ass is underappreciated
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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