i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
