I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Found the puke drawer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
