also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
