Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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