I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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