we have officially lost it.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
