Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
